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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Dancing ish In September

Disclaimer. Some parts of this posts may be considered TMI, but I need to vent so I don't really care. You've been warned. :)

Ah September. We meet again. I remember being so anxious in 2011 and being really, pregnant. Good times.

So far the start of this month has been crazy.

 About two days ago I decided it was time to wean my 22 month old off of the boob. I went cold turkey which they say you aren't supposed to do but I decided it would be easier on him. Especially with the method I used. I rubbed lemon juice all over my breasts and when James wanted to nurse he tasted sour milk. I just explained to him that he was too old and that my milk must have gone bad.

He was absolutely fine. No fuss. No tears. Nothing. What a freaking miracle.

I was relieved but also disappointed. I was dreading this because of how demanding he was with nursing. It was his comfort blanket. I feel nipped out of a good tantrum. Yes, I made a pun. :)

So he's been fine and whenever he wanted to nurse he remembered it "went bad" and distracted himself. Awesome.

But they say not to go cold turkey for a reason.


Cold cabbage leaves in my bra, ice packs, occasional expressing of milk (you don't want to let out too much or you keep making milk) and lots of bitter sage tea. It's been three days. Y U NO DRY YET?!

Getting impatient and did I mention OW!

Let's not forget the random outbursts of the weepies. Darn you hormones. Do I regret nursing? No. really glad I did that. Do I regret going cold turkey. yes and no. but mainly no because James had his first dentist appointment today. He has some teeth problems as a result of night nursing....Do I regret night nursing. Um yes. absolutely. Don't do it. Or wipe off their baby teeth after each session at night. I know, who the heck has time for that at three in the morning? but just please do it. You can avoid 3,000 dollars worth of dental work.

I have a feeling I'm not making much sense but I'm blaming it on the fact that I am DRAINED emotionally and physically right now. I can't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel!

My husband and I are having a whole weekend to ourselves so I guess that's the end of the tunnel. And I plan on eating and drinking all sorts of things I refrained from for the past 2 and a half years.

3. Maybe an adult beverage on our date. And before ya'll freak out, Texas has a law that if you are married to someone over the age of 21 you can drink if they are with HA!
4. CAFFINE IN GENERAL LIKE SWEET TEA. oh how I've missed you.
5. Lots of gluten and cheese and dairy and yum.


I suppose I'll check in when things start to feel better and my boobs don't feel like rocks. 

If you are freaked out by my post about breasts chill the heck out and dance. Link provided. Enjoy...

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Open Letter (ish) to Carly Rae Jepsen

Alright. This is probably about to get heated. I've seen these ads awhile back and have been a bit busy to write my feeling about them. So here it goes!

The Candies Foundation teamed up with pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen to create some eye catching PSA's about teen pregnancy. Carly Rae is the "Call Me Maybe" singer. I know, the song is now stuck in your head. I'm sorry...i'm so so sorry.

Hey Carly I have an idea. Why don't you pick up the phone and call Justin Bieber's mom and tell her she didn't change the world. She was a teen mom and had a pop star. A pop star who in fact PUT YOU ON THE MAP. Just saying. Because taking care of our children and learning an important human lesson of responsibility isn't changing the world right? Because the teen mom's who wipe butts, clean, cook, go to high school, go to college, and work more than you have in your entire life aren't changing the world.
Let me tell you something my dear. With every genius in history comes a mother. Sometimes they are young. Sometimes they are in their thirties, the way society wants it. And sometimes they are in their forties. EVERY mother is changing the world. But I guess you can't understand what this means considering you aren't a mother.
And let me get a little bitter here. Please enlighten me on how YOU are changing the world. And fake, photo op "charity work" doesn't count. Doing PSA's like this doesn't count. "Creating" cookie cutter pop music is hardly changing the world for the good.
I want you to think about all your teen mom fans out there that you have humiliated and put down. What about all the pregnant teens who adore you? Don't you "love your little jepsies!" (I just gagged a little in my mouth) We are told we aren't worthy to be parents enough on a day to day basis. And while we shouldn't let words get us down, some days it's hard not to.
We are MOM's. PERIOD. End of story. But more importantly, we are people. We are humans. We deserve respect. We deserve to be embraced. And no I'm not saying to get pregnant as a teen. And if that's what you got out of this rant you fail. no offense. :)
Don't coward behind this PSA. I dare you to actually talk to a teen mom, face to face, and tell her she hasn't changed the world.

An actual Young mom.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Birth story

Life is super busy sometimes and I apologize! Today I thought I'd write about my birth experience. I hope you don't mind and I promise it won't be too graphic. :) I've been thinking about that day for awhile now because my sweet baby is turning two in October. Every day that we get closer I just can't even believe it! Been through so much these past three years. All blessings even the tough times. 

So here we go! 

 My due date was technically October 15th. As any mommy knows, you have the calendar marked and even though you aren't supposed to be fixed on that date, it's difficult not to be. Such excitement, fear, anxiety, and frustration all wrapped up in one when you see that date come and go. You calmly talk to your baby. You say things like, "okay little boy. You CAN come out now. No one is holding you back." you are so full of emotion that you eventually just assume you are going to be pregnant forever so you eat a pint of ice cream and cry. (really guilty of this) meanwhile family and friends are trying anything to distract you so you aren't driving yourself crazy. This sounds so lame but I bought a box of crayons and a coloring book to keep myself busy. Well it worked. Just some sort of mindless activity to take your mind off "when the heck am I going to have you!". 

The 15th was a Saturday. The 21st was a Friday and I had an ultrasound appointment to make sure he was doing alright. I woke up, showered, ate a small bowl of oatmeal and juice, and went with my hubby to the doctors. I think my mother In law came too. I was feeling nervous. During the ultra sound James flashed us an L that he made with his fingers. All I thought was him thinking "haha losers. It's cozy in here and I'm not going anywhere!" the technician said "oh! That was a contraction!" I laid there watching James play and said something like, "really?! I thought that was just a kick!" obviously early early labor as it didn't hurt. The technician said the amniotic fluid was starting to leak and get low so the doctor was probably going to induce. And the. She said something like "yay! You'll be able to finally get this baby out of you". That didn't sit with me well.

You see I had my birth plan written out and I was determined to go all natural. No induction, no nothing. So when the technician said that I started panicking. It was a weird mixture of thoughts. Of course I wanted to meet my baby and get him out as safely as possible but on the other hand I was comfortable with my plan and felt uneasy about not knowing what to expect. The doctor checked me out and said something like "the altitude we live in (santa Fe new Mexico aka HIGH altitude) is making the amniotic fluid low which is dangerous so you need to be induced" I honestly started to cry. I was heart broken which may sound selfish to someone but gimme a break. My hormones were wack. And then her staff started acting weird. They were frantically running around making calls to get me a room in the hospital. It really freaked me out and made me feel like I was in serious danger. Luckily my mother in law and husband calmed everyone down as it was making me panic. We were told not to get our bags but we convinced the doctor to let us run home. Travis and I made calls on the way home, packed, kissed our puppies, made more calls and drove nervously to the hospital. He was so scared and so excited! After a trillion efforts of getting the darn hospital gown on I eventually just asked for help. I was really nervous and just couldn't think straight. We were stuck in the icu because as it turned out, EVERY woman decided to have their baby that day. How fun. More than anything, I HATED getting the IV in. Contractions started to become more noticeable and I hadn't gotten the pitocin yet. In fact, it was a couple hours before I got the pitocin. It must have been close to noon when we got to the hospital, maybe 11:30 I really don't remember. But I don't think I got the pitocin till about four hours after that. So it made me question if this was as serious as they were making it out to be. I was progressing in labor all on my own. Once they administered the pitocin I was still keeping up a sense of humor. 

Finally we were moved to a birthing suit and I was definitely feeling those contractions. My brother tried to crack a joke about the board with the pain o meter. You know, the one with the faces. It was funny before but I think I said something like "not effing funny anymore!" sorry about that! At this point the sun was going down and I was getting hungry and annoyed. I was still only 4 cm dilated but my doctor okayed a "liquid tray" to be sent to my room. I inhaled all the broth, jello, Popsicle and juice , but was still really hungry. Travis hadn't left my side until he went out for some air. Or maybe he went home to shower in between. I said he could go but after he left I desperately wanted him by my side. No offense to my mom and mother in law, but Travis helped me during contractions the most. Someone tried to bring a whole freaking pizza in and I just about lost it. "in the lobby! Get it out of here now!" At this point, I think a nurse turned my pitocin up waaaaaay too high because I was having contractions every minute or so but hardly any break in between. Someone eventually fixed it thank goodness. 

Still very frustrated that I was at four cm. Travis was being so sweet and encouraging. I had an iPod dock playing music and everyone said I was basically singing through contractions. The music really did help. What didn't help was looking up to find that everyone was just staring at me. It was making me edgy and angry that I made some comments like, "I feel like I'm in a fish bowl".a total of eight people I think were in the room, not to mention the nurses coming in and out. I couldn't express how much this was bothering me. I was having hard contractions. My fish bowl comment had been repeated in a faint voice. I kept thinking, "my birth plan! You all know I only want a few people!" of course they didn't know that but it's all good. 

 Doctor came in and suggested we break my water. Mind you, it's probably around seven or eight o clock. At this point I'm ready to be done so I agree. How silly of me to think that I was having hard contractions before. My labor was kicked into hyper gear. You get to a point in your labor where you stop giving a crap. You aren't embarrassed that you have to keep running to the bathroom. In fact, you just strip down naked because screw clothes! I know I was the loudest women that night. People already had their babies or got an epidural. I feel bad for the ladies next door having to listen to me yell profanity.  I was going from shivering to burning up every few minutes so I'd demand ice packs to warm blankets one after the other. It became a bit of a circus. I used the ice to numb my tailbone as James was moving down and wraped myself in a warm blanket. "ice, water, blanket. Ice, water, blanket!" so all those people ended up being very helpful. 
I was going to the bathroom every few minutes. My husband trying to catch up to me with the IV rack so It wouldn't come out. Back and fourth. And then I felt excruciating pain. I BEGGED for the juice. Give me the drugs! I thought I couldn't handle the pain. Turns out there was a LINE for the anesthesiologist. I also was transitioning which means the baby is coming down the birth canal. I was too late for the epidural. I jumped up to go to the bathroom dragging Travis behind me and then.....something felt different. 

"I HAVE TO PUSH!" I yelled dramatically. (hey...I'm a bit of a diva). They prepped me and I noticed something was missing....uhm the DOCTOR. The nurses informed me that she was in a c section and that they might have to deliver James. One nurse looked nervous. Juuuuuuuuuuuust dandy. They had  me practice pushing. I yelled each time and I remember finally the doctor ran in! She was excited, but totally calmed me down for a minute. She told me to hold in my yells and use that energy to push. All of the sudden I had a bust of energy (thanks God!). And when I was losing strength I reached down and touched his head! I was amazed how close we were to meeting. I almost cried but got my determination back. At 9:46 PM Oct. 21st 2011 my baby boy came out singing. Travis had to sit down for a minute and how sweet it was to see him finally stand up and cry as he kissed James and I. He was in so much awe. I was shaking a little which is totally normal. I just couldn't believe I was holding my baby boy! He was beautiful and perfect. His sweet cry. I couldn't stop looking at him. Everyone was trying to ask me things and talk to me but it. Was like Travis, James and I were inside a bubble. And after he was weighed and measured ( 6 pounds 6 ounces 18 1/2 inches)  he was back  in my arms. Rooting like crazy. Ready to nurse. I still just couldn't stop looking at him. He has my face! His daddy's ears. Once things were settled I remembered I was starving so I ate a ham sandwich. I never ate pork during my pregnancy but that was the best sandwich ever. My mom fed me while I held a sleeping James in my arms. I think my labor and delivery lasted about 10 hours but It was worth it. Not only was Travis holding my hand but God was with me as well, Strengthening  me when I needed it. and now I am grateful for all the people in the room because they got to witness one of the most miraculous event's ever! 

Sierra "Lucy" 

Friday, June 28, 2013

A Hard Day

Haven't been able to sleep these past couple of nights. Been wondering why. Why have I been bursting out in tears randomly? Why is it that every time James is peacefully asleep my heart becomes heavy when I watch him? Then I checked the date. 

Four years ago my hometown was given the biggest slap in the face. Five beautiful young people were hit by a drunk driver on old las Vegas highway. Only Avree the driver survived. I knew Julian, Kate, Alyssa and especially Rose. I've never dealt with loss well. I hid away in the Jemez mountains at a place I considered paradise because I wasn't sure I could handle seeing everyone. I now wish I had gone to the memorial in Catherdral park that night. 
Just about the whole town was there and then some. If that's not a testimate to how much these teens made an impact on lives I don't know what is. 

As you know, maybe you don't, we lost a beautiful little boy named Carter in our family recently. I'm still very much grieving his death. I've been meeting so many people recently who have shared their grief of losing a child. As a mother myself all of this has struck me in a whole new way. I get it now mommy. She came to pick me up from the mountains that day with my dad because she just needed to see my face. I really do get it now. As I type this I feel God is revieling a part of grief I have never experienced before. This feeling of a lump in my throat. This feeling of a weight on my heart so heavy you'd think cinder blocks were holding it down. These heaving tears that I've only heard from my mom when my grandpa Norman passed. All these feelings don't even add up to half of what these grieving families feel. 

It's hard for me to process why lives are taken from us here on Earth at such a young age. Seeing the grief families are experiencing makes me desperately want to take it away. But I'm at that point in my walk of faith where I know it's not my job to take this grief away or to be able to understand it. I can trust in the Lord and that gives me comfort. I pray any family finds this comfort. I see how all these children have made a difference and continue to make a difference as time goes on. This is beautiful. I am amazed at how they inspire and bring out the good in people. They continue to remind us that life on Earth is short and precious. My prayer is that we remember this everyday. Even when times get tough, we are blessed. 

I've had Rose visit my dreams twice and those dreams are so sacred to me. So vivid and genuine to her personality. The last dream was after I had James. She sat me down and said "well we have a lot to catch up on!" we talked about James and how I was adjusting to motherhood. I asked her how she was and she told me she was just fine and that I shouldn't ever worry about her. She was happy. She was more than happy. I woke up with a sense of peace I had never felt before. So grateful for her visiting my dreams. 

I was up the night before praying as I couldn't sleep when a name popped into my head. "Lily". I realized this was the name that belonged to a new acquaintance who lost her baby at full term in 2010. It was more of a reminder that I should be praying for the parents of these children. So I did. And do today. I ask all of my friends reading this to take a moment of silence today to remember these lives we have lost so early. But also a moment of prayer and silence for the families left behind. That they may find comfort on the tough days like today. 

If you are in Santa Fe go to warehouse tonight at 6 to be with the families and community. 

Always remember the closeness we feel during these tragedies. Always remember these children and the impact they have made on lives. 
Remember the great memories you've shared even if you can count them on your fingers. Do not hold onto anger as I believe these friends we have lost wouldn't want us to live that way. "Hated stirs up strife, But love covers all sins." Proverbs 10:12

These verses gives me comfort and I hope they help you as well

"Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21 

This next one gives me the chills. In a good way. 
"The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them, and the dessert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose." Isaiah 35:1 

And my favorite one. "The Lord is near to those who havea broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18 

Just opened up my bible again and this is what it landed on. Prepare for more chills "I am the rose of Sharon and the Lilly of the the valleys." Song of Solomon 2:1. 

Love to all of you in Santa Fe and love to all parents who have lost a child. 


Friday, June 21, 2013

Uhm...give me a minute

Occasionally Travis and I share thoughts about what it was like when I told him I was pregnant. I, naturally was terrified. But I was and i'm still impressed to this day how he handled himself. Every person reacts differently of course and I guess a lot of it depends on the situation. We're you trying for a baby? We're you not? Well we weren't expecting James so imagine he was freaked. 

Travis has always been a wise old soul trapped in a young body and it's something that I've always admired. He went outside for minute to collect his thoughts and came back in and held me while I sobbed. I had always wondered about that minute. Because I know in that minute my mind was racing. I think this minute defines a part of our relationship. I over think things which comes in handy every once in awhile. And Travis, for the most part, keeps his thoughts collected. 

As I said before we like to talk about these crazy times we've been through. He said to me, "give me a minute, i'll be back" but what he really meant was "give me a minute while I prepare my thoughts for the rest of my life...and I'll be right back". He just knew that a baby and myself were going to be in the rest of his life. That might sound crazy and terrifying to someone reading this. Frankly, it is. But it also just shows his awesome character. 

I realize not everyone gets this. Some mommies are pulling double. Some daddies are pulling double. Some mommies and daddies wouldn't want to parent with another person. I love diverse familias. They are inspiring. 

Back to my point though. I hope that if a  new daddy or even a new mommy is out there reading this that they take a minute to prepare themselves for the rest of their lives. Because as all parents know, a minute of thoughts is the closest you will be to "prepared".  

This random blog post was brought to you by Friday.

You are welcome internets

P.s. I plan on enjoying the whole 24 hours without James tomorrow. Nah I'll probably cry in the car and text his nana a million times. But at least Travis and I can boogie down on the dance floor and celebrate our friend Katy and Josh at their wedding! Yes you read that right. I used "boogie". My mom is the mother funker on a radio show that plays funk. so I think I can use that word. 

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Yup. You read that right. Prancercise is the new hip way to exercise. If you don't know what prancercising is check out this video.    Okie dokie. Now that we are caught up we can all stop crying now. I'm pretty sure this is an actual legit company. This video has it all which is why it's viral. I really hope they aren't sitting in their camel toe leggings thinking people are remotely interested in prancercising. Her voice is almost like kitty's from "That 70's Show" Which makes it even better. Now this video is from baby sideburns from the blog baby sideburns. She has a facebook page too. She is not everyone's cup of tea. She is pretty sarcastic and cusses. But when i'm having a difficult day she makes me laugh till I cry. This video is just magical. And she totally wrote about this exercise on her blog as well. I really don't think I'd be able to pull this off. I'm just not coordinated enough.

Oh wait... Just found this gem,,,,guys, John Mayer+Prancercise= too much awesome.

They should make a prancercise how to video stroller edition. YES!  Have a good Hump Day.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It's been awhile

Hey Ya'll!

Life has been crazy these past couple weeks. I'm asking for all my friends and family reading this to know that I love you dearly! Life is short. We may have our differences. They make us Unique. They are sometimes hard to understand. But I hope we all remember that we are all on this planet together and that our lives are short.

Balloon release from Carter's funeral
I'd like to ask for prayers for our Cousin's Billy and Emily Roberts. They have lost a child a couple weeks back to a very high risk heart surgery. Little Carter was a beautiful little boy with a big smile and red hair. The funeral was beautiful and as a tribute to Carter a lot of the family wore converse and bright green. This loss was tragic but I know that little Carter is healed. Please pray for his parents and my husband's family.

I'd also like to pay tribute my mother who has overcome so many obstacles these past couple of years. It's been a roller coaster but I am so proud of her. She loves me unconditionally and has passed that love onto my Husband and little boy. She finds beauty in her life even in the darkest of times and she amazes me with her Grace everyday.

Travis and I are nerding out as usual. It's fantastic. Game of Thrones may be a bit adult but the story and fantasy behind it rock! Nerds UNITE!

To all the new followers and the old I will make this all more frequent. Ya'll are awesome. Hug your family a little tighter everyday.
 All the converse for Carter lined up