Follow by Email

Friday, June 28, 2013

A Hard Day

Haven't been able to sleep these past couple of nights. Been wondering why. Why have I been bursting out in tears randomly? Why is it that every time James is peacefully asleep my heart becomes heavy when I watch him? Then I checked the date. 

Four years ago my hometown was given the biggest slap in the face. Five beautiful young people were hit by a drunk driver on old las Vegas highway. Only Avree the driver survived. I knew Julian, Kate, Alyssa and especially Rose. I've never dealt with loss well. I hid away in the Jemez mountains at a place I considered paradise because I wasn't sure I could handle seeing everyone. I now wish I had gone to the memorial in Catherdral park that night. 
Just about the whole town was there and then some. If that's not a testimate to how much these teens made an impact on lives I don't know what is. 

As you know, maybe you don't, we lost a beautiful little boy named Carter in our family recently. I'm still very much grieving his death. I've been meeting so many people recently who have shared their grief of losing a child. As a mother myself all of this has struck me in a whole new way. I get it now mommy. She came to pick me up from the mountains that day with my dad because she just needed to see my face. I really do get it now. As I type this I feel God is revieling a part of grief I have never experienced before. This feeling of a lump in my throat. This feeling of a weight on my heart so heavy you'd think cinder blocks were holding it down. These heaving tears that I've only heard from my mom when my grandpa Norman passed. All these feelings don't even add up to half of what these grieving families feel. 

It's hard for me to process why lives are taken from us here on Earth at such a young age. Seeing the grief families are experiencing makes me desperately want to take it away. But I'm at that point in my walk of faith where I know it's not my job to take this grief away or to be able to understand it. I can trust in the Lord and that gives me comfort. I pray any family finds this comfort. I see how all these children have made a difference and continue to make a difference as time goes on. This is beautiful. I am amazed at how they inspire and bring out the good in people. They continue to remind us that life on Earth is short and precious. My prayer is that we remember this everyday. Even when times get tough, we are blessed. 

I've had Rose visit my dreams twice and those dreams are so sacred to me. So vivid and genuine to her personality. The last dream was after I had James. She sat me down and said "well we have a lot to catch up on!" we talked about James and how I was adjusting to motherhood. I asked her how she was and she told me she was just fine and that I shouldn't ever worry about her. She was happy. She was more than happy. I woke up with a sense of peace I had never felt before. So grateful for her visiting my dreams. 

I was up the night before praying as I couldn't sleep when a name popped into my head. "Lily". I realized this was the name that belonged to a new acquaintance who lost her baby at full term in 2010. It was more of a reminder that I should be praying for the parents of these children. So I did. And do today. I ask all of my friends reading this to take a moment of silence today to remember these lives we have lost so early. But also a moment of prayer and silence for the families left behind. That they may find comfort on the tough days like today. 

If you are in Santa Fe go to warehouse tonight at 6 to be with the families and community. 

Always remember the closeness we feel during these tragedies. Always remember these children and the impact they have made on lives. 
Remember the great memories you've shared even if you can count them on your fingers. Do not hold onto anger as I believe these friends we have lost wouldn't want us to live that way. "Hated stirs up strife, But love covers all sins." Proverbs 10:12

These verses gives me comfort and I hope they help you as well

"Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21 

This next one gives me the chills. In a good way. 
"The wilderness and the wasteland shall be glad for them, and the dessert shall rejoice and blossom as the rose." Isaiah 35:1 

And my favorite one. "The Lord is near to those who havea broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18 

Just opened up my bible again and this is what it landed on. Prepare for more chills "I am the rose of Sharon and the Lilly of the the valleys." Song of Solomon 2:1. 

Love to all of you in Santa Fe and love to all parents who have lost a child. 


Friday, June 21, 2013

Uhm...give me a minute

Occasionally Travis and I share thoughts about what it was like when I told him I was pregnant. I, naturally was terrified. But I was and i'm still impressed to this day how he handled himself. Every person reacts differently of course and I guess a lot of it depends on the situation. We're you trying for a baby? We're you not? Well we weren't expecting James so imagine he was freaked. 

Travis has always been a wise old soul trapped in a young body and it's something that I've always admired. He went outside for minute to collect his thoughts and came back in and held me while I sobbed. I had always wondered about that minute. Because I know in that minute my mind was racing. I think this minute defines a part of our relationship. I over think things which comes in handy every once in awhile. And Travis, for the most part, keeps his thoughts collected. 

As I said before we like to talk about these crazy times we've been through. He said to me, "give me a minute, i'll be back" but what he really meant was "give me a minute while I prepare my thoughts for the rest of my life...and I'll be right back". He just knew that a baby and myself were going to be in the rest of his life. That might sound crazy and terrifying to someone reading this. Frankly, it is. But it also just shows his awesome character. 

I realize not everyone gets this. Some mommies are pulling double. Some daddies are pulling double. Some mommies and daddies wouldn't want to parent with another person. I love diverse familias. They are inspiring. 

Back to my point though. I hope that if a  new daddy or even a new mommy is out there reading this that they take a minute to prepare themselves for the rest of their lives. Because as all parents know, a minute of thoughts is the closest you will be to "prepared".  

This random blog post was brought to you by Friday.

You are welcome internets

P.s. I plan on enjoying the whole 24 hours without James tomorrow. Nah I'll probably cry in the car and text his nana a million times. But at least Travis and I can boogie down on the dance floor and celebrate our friend Katy and Josh at their wedding! Yes you read that right. I used "boogie". My mom is the mother funker on a radio show that plays funk. so I think I can use that word. 

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Yup. You read that right. Prancercise is the new hip way to exercise. If you don't know what prancercising is check out this video.    Okie dokie. Now that we are caught up we can all stop crying now. I'm pretty sure this is an actual legit company. This video has it all which is why it's viral. I really hope they aren't sitting in their camel toe leggings thinking people are remotely interested in prancercising. Her voice is almost like kitty's from "That 70's Show" Which makes it even better. Now this video is from baby sideburns from the blog baby sideburns. She has a facebook page too. She is not everyone's cup of tea. She is pretty sarcastic and cusses. But when i'm having a difficult day she makes me laugh till I cry. This video is just magical. And she totally wrote about this exercise on her blog as well. I really don't think I'd be able to pull this off. I'm just not coordinated enough.

Oh wait... Just found this gem,,,,guys, John Mayer+Prancercise= too much awesome.

They should make a prancercise how to video stroller edition. YES!  Have a good Hump Day.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It's been awhile

Hey Ya'll!

Life has been crazy these past couple weeks. I'm asking for all my friends and family reading this to know that I love you dearly! Life is short. We may have our differences. They make us Unique. They are sometimes hard to understand. But I hope we all remember that we are all on this planet together and that our lives are short.

Balloon release from Carter's funeral
I'd like to ask for prayers for our Cousin's Billy and Emily Roberts. They have lost a child a couple weeks back to a very high risk heart surgery. Little Carter was a beautiful little boy with a big smile and red hair. The funeral was beautiful and as a tribute to Carter a lot of the family wore converse and bright green. This loss was tragic but I know that little Carter is healed. Please pray for his parents and my husband's family.

I'd also like to pay tribute my mother who has overcome so many obstacles these past couple of years. It's been a roller coaster but I am so proud of her. She loves me unconditionally and has passed that love onto my Husband and little boy. She finds beauty in her life even in the darkest of times and she amazes me with her Grace everyday.

Travis and I are nerding out as usual. It's fantastic. Game of Thrones may be a bit adult but the story and fantasy behind it rock! Nerds UNITE!

To all the new followers and the old I will make this all more frequent. Ya'll are awesome. Hug your family a little tighter everyday.
 All the converse for Carter lined up